Life has taken a turn for the depressing. I never thought that I would ever face the axe. That's right, I face the axe. As if execution was not bad enough, I have to deal with the humiliation. I guess some people might call it Karma, given that I was not particularly nice to JM. And when I say not nice, I mean that I ignored her for the mostpart, not acknowledging her, as to do so would make my blood boil in my veins. I instead decided to pick up her slackand ignore her. Which was not nice, but not horrible either. In the great scheme of things, she was one of the crappiest interns that I have come across. Crap to the point of dangerous. I try to convince myself that justice would prevail, but being here, I think not.
Making things more complicating, would be the fact that I am unsure about my path. I used to be dead-on certain that I wanted to be a physician. Nothing you said could deter me from the yellow brick road to physician-dom. I hadmy mentors around me, rallying to keep me interested and it worked!. Unfortunately I have since lost the drive. Speaking to Tay and Fergs, they have convinced me thatI should not be using emotions to deal with my life. That emotions were unstable and fickle. Hmmm...

So yes, that is the sum of what has kept me melancholic and choleric for the past week. I cannot dig my way out of this I think, and I believe that I must just allow it to run its course and trust that all will be well.

-listening to When You Were Young by the Killers--July 14th 2009-

Dangerous dreams

Feeling a bit down today. Gee, what a surprise. I stood in front of the mirror with tears in my eyes. Had a bad dream. It was very disturbing indeed. I dreamt that I was on cemetery grounds, with many people around. The cemetery had 2 huge hills with a sort of trench separating it, and a few cemetery plots scattered around. I was standing in the trench below, whilst my sister was on the hill. Suddenly, the hill started uprooting, as if it was shaken to its core by a quake. Graves were being disturbed, coffins and bodies falling around me. I yelled to my sister to get to safety, we began climbing up the other side of the hill. We get to safety. Dad’s grave was undisturbed, thankfully. Suddenly, the chaos quieted down. The rubble settled. There are now zombie like creatures walking around. I am afraid, my sister and mum are in a hotel room somewhere and I am trying to make my way back to them. I had the urge to fight with these creatures. Bang, I wake up drenched in sweat.

It’s been like this over the past few months. Dreams of gore, of death, of dad sick. It makes me cry when I think about it. I don’t know why I am having these dreams. I can’t get rid of them, short of not sleeping.

In the beginning...

Like everything, there must be a beginning. And this blogs originates from my 2007 New Year's resolution.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother! A study showed that almost 80% of resolution makers break their resolutions by February!!! I fall in the majority. In fact I can't remember a time when I actually kept ONE pitiful resolution. Here are a couple that I have made (and subsequently broken at lightning speed)

1. Will weigh 50kgs by 2007 (2006 resolution)
2. Will weigh 50kgs by 2006 (2005 resolution)
3. Will lose 3 kgs by 200 (2004 resolution)
4. Snack less
5. Eat more healthy foods - go 0rganic if budget permits!
6. Swear less (2007 resolution)

It's not like I have a weight issue or anything. It's most like weight has an issue with me. But that's a hissy fit for another day.